Are women today so focused on the perfect arrangement of their bedroom that they have forgotten how to have sex in it? TO new York The Cut From Magazine, Lauren Sandler Taking A Tour the world of female lifestyle blogs and determines that “the Internet’s most conspicuously happy women – the curators of domesticity on Pinterest, Tumblr and thousands of female-run blogs – occupy a world of aspiration without sex.” Online, “the so-called ‘food porn’ or ‘shelter porn’ is as close as it gets to bodily abandonment,” she writes. And our sex lives are suffering offline too. Sander links this chaste trend of home blogging to a recent study that found 1 in 4 American women suffer from sexual dysfunction.
This is, at first glance, a niche problem: why can’t a wealthy woman find tips for decorating her living room and lubricating herself for sex, all in one URL? I’m not very much in love with the advanced consumerism that these lifestyle blogs promote, so I’m not too worried that women’s sex lives have yet to be commercialized at the level of our bedroom furniture. Fall for this Danish bedside table to house your designer dildos! Shave for this vintage-inspired Vajazzling tutorial! Flip through a series of photos of what my husband is packing under those tongue-in-cheek long johns!
But I see Sandler’s point. Old women’s magazines like Charm and Cosmopolitan-and their digital counterparts, such as xoJane and HelloGiggles– continue to serve sex advice alongside exercise routines, skin creams and the occasional foreign affairs dispatch. But with a few exceptions, the world of individual ladyblogging tends to separate women into âsexyâ and âchasteâ. Filing of a journalistic report on anal sex for Cosmos is one thing. Aligning your personal faith blog with assholes is another.
But women’s lifestyle blogs are not, as Sandler claims, sexless. They are just separate. While there are few dildo recommendations built into the decor and recipe-centric blogs like A beautiful mess, you can find hundreds of them at Hey Epiphora, a woman’s online outpost that comprehensively reviews sex toys for a female audience. In many ways, Epiphora is a typical âlifestyleâ blogger; she’s just sexually focused. When she’s not reviewing the latest vibrator over $ 100, she categorizes denominational blog entries as “My vagina is a black hole“, An account of how she got used to using penetrating toys, and”The two weeks of my sex life I lost to Zoloft, A discussion of how antidepressants can affect a woman’s libido. Her blog doesn’t include recipes for the food she cooks between test drives, however.
I bet Epiphora is eating. But she doesn’t blog her breakfasts, for the same reason a recipe blogger doesn’t file posts about pegging – it’s not her job. Sandler worries that “the exchange of lingerie for an apron has become a symptom of an online world where ‘lifestyle’ is something that needs to be perfectly arranged and presented rather than experienced.” She’s right about one thing: running a lifestyle blog takes a lot more than just âlivingâ. For many of these women, keeping a blog dedicated to food, decorating, crafts, or any other household arena is a full-time job. Impeccably decorating a home, photographing it, writing about it, and creating an audience for this material requires a serious set of skills. Writing about sex and relationships requires another. The Internet thrives on private confessions, but it also rewards experts and is organized by niches. Online success demands that these writers become masters of their field. Viewing lifestyle blogs as just a natural extension of women’s lives devalues ââthe work these women do, whether they’re lighting a stove or a vibrator.
The real problem here isn’t that furniture bloggers don’t write about sex or sex bloggers don’t write about pillow cases. The problem is the assumption that if a woman doesn’t blog about her sex life, she is âsexlessâ. (Are tech bloggers considered ‘sexless’ if they don’t discuss penetration while showing off their shiny new toys?) The flip side is when a woman writes about sex, like Epiphora does. , she is considered a slut, an obsessive or a supersexuality. . (The common stigma is the reason Epiphora remains anonymous.) In fact, she is just skilled and experienced in examining sex toys. She shouldn’t have to blog about furniture to be considered a full woman.
And maybe furniture bloggers should stick with what they do best, too. Here’s Sandler’s own stab at sexing the lifestyle genre:
I don’t mean to criticize home cooking or fill your home with nice things: I’m banging on a modern Danish desk, perched on an Eames-style seashell chair, with a Moroccan stew simmering in a Dutch oven The Crucible on my stove. But my laundry is stacked on a rocking chair in the corner, and when my husband comes home from a week-long work trip tonight, God help Dwell Studio Chinoiserie Bedding.
Ooh, a sway chair? Crazy.